Tuesday, 9 October 2012

50 Things I've Learnt Whilst Watching Merlin

  1. The best place to send your magical son is a kingdom where having magical powers is punishable by death.
  2. It never rains in Camelot.
  3. Never expect a straight answer from a Dragon. They love to talk in vague, cryptic metaphors.
  4. Helping a mysterious, random stranger who tells you not to ask questions and pays you in massive amounts of gold will not end well. 
  5. Lancelot is uncomfortable when witnessing romantic displays between Arthur and Gwen.
  6. All the villages in Camelot look suspiciously similar to Merlin's home village in Ealdor.
  7. When weird things happen around your servant - like tree branches/chandeliers conveniently falling on top of your enemies - it means they're probably a warlock. 
  8. If you're in disguise mirrors will reveal your true form. Cover them up.
  9. Merlin should be trusted when he's trying to warn you about an enemy.
  10. The guards of Camelot are useless when it comes to stopping a person from getting in and out of the castle, especially when that person is Merlin or Morgana.
  11. Wearing a big red cloak is very subtle and will help you to blend in the dark.
  12. Gaius must be a very sound sleeper because he never wakes up when Merlin sneaks out in the middle of the night.
  13. According to Arthur Pendragon, destiny and chicken are all you need when it comes to wooing a lady.
  14. Even when you're on Camelot's most wanted list it's still possible to roam around the castle without difficulty and hide under the prince's bed.
  15. No-one likes to be called fat, least of all Arthur Pendragon.
  16. If you can hear a mandrake root scream that means you have magic.
  17. Merlin is the only person in Camelot who understands just what exactly a siege is and how to prepare for it. 
  18. The Tavern gets very busy when there are tournaments on.
  19. Dragons make for a good taxi service. 
  20. Dressing up as a woman is a great disguise. Right, Sir Leon?
  21. When Morgause is threatening you, you will KNOW about it.  
  22. Shouting "For the love of Camelot!" inspires every knight to fight their best. 
  23. Summoning up dragons is a useful skill to have when you're being attacked. 
  24. Otherworldly gate-keepers are creepy. 
  25. Arthur and his knights can fight in slow-motion. 
  26. Morgana still has access to eyeshadow despite living in a dank hut in the woods. 
  27. Merlin has more self-control than Gwaine when it comes to wildeoren licking your face all over. 
  28. If you and your friend argue long enough over who's going to sacrifice themselves for the sake of the kingdom, another friend will jump in and do it for you. 
  29. Merlin sounds very sexy and badass when saying that he's the "last dragonlord". 
  30. Merlin and Arthur are very good at reading each other's moods. 
  31. Arthur would rather face all manner of horrors in the world than share a bed with Merlin. Or so he claims... 
  32. A servant addressing the king by his first name and wrestling the king to the ground isn't considered inappropriate in Camelot.
  33. Merlin is a surprisingly terrible assassin. 
  34. Gaius has only one cover story for Merlin, that he's in the Tavern. It's a wonder that Arthur hasn't attempted to stage an intervention with Merlin for his alcohol problem yet. 
  35. Arthur and Merlin complain about each other constantly but deep down they love each other. Aw! 
  36. Sir Leon becomes very enthusiastic on the subject of crossbows.
  37. There must be something in the Knight's Code on how to treat an old man.
  38. Merlin's favourite chore is polishing. 
  39. The secret route through the Valley of the Fallen Kings isn't all that secret.
  40. Going horse riding with Gwaine is like being condemned to a day of mindless chatter. 
  41. Jokes about brass aren't funny. 
  42. Being known by two names is very useful and can save your life.
  43. Never touch anything at a haunted, cursed druid shrine.
  44. Merlin's favourite funeral style of choice is a Viking style boat burning. 
  45. Salt circles don't actually work when it comes to warding off spirits but Elyan believes in them.
  46. Stealing a key from Arthur Pendragon is surprisingly easy. 
  47. In Camelot don't check for monsters under your bed, check for enchanted dolls.
  48. Morgana has a bit of a thing for Gwaine. 
  49. Gaius and Sir Leon should have their own spin-off show called CSI: Camelot
  50. It gets so hot mining in caves that everyone must work shirtless.

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