Wednesday, 30 January 2013

This Means War (2012)

This Means War is about a woman called Lauren (played by Reese Witherspoon). She's depressed and down-in-the-dumps because she wants a serious relationship but can't find the right guy. Lauren's friend Trish (played by American comedienne Chelsea Handler) then talks Lauren into joining an online dating site. Lauren wants to get off the site but she then sees a picture of this one guy on there who's really good-looking so she decides to go on a date with him. This guy turns out to be a British man called Tuck (played by Tom Hardy). Tuck has been struggling to get dates ever since he divorced his wife. *Seriously? This film expects me to believe that a man who looks like Tom Hardy could struggle to get dates?! Ha!* After Lauren has her date with Tuck she then bumps into another man called FDR (played by Chris Pine). FDR takes a shine to Lauren and she ends up dating him as well. But what Lauren doesn't know is that Tuck and FDR are actually best friends and that they're both CIA agents. When Tuck and FDR both find out that they're dating the same woman they promise to leave Lauren alone - but instead they screw each other. They each break into Lauren's house to plant surveillance bugs and find out what her hobbies and interests are so they can win her affections.

I watched This Means War a while ago and it really is a shockingly awful film. Well, maybe it's not shockingly so since it was directed by McG; the man who was behind the Charlie's Angels and Terminator: Salvation films and was once described as "Michael Bay's untalented cousin" by Mark Kermode. Ha ha! The film really is crap though and there's so much that's wrong with it. The film requires you to make far too many suspensions of disbelief and the plot is so thin that you could poke sizeable holes in it. It really struggles to fill up the 97 minute running time. Basically the film goes from one "hilarious" sketch to the next, and there's some Eastern European bad guy who's tacked onto the very beginning and end of the film in an attempt to add some action and dramatic tension. The film is incredibly predictable too, even for a romantic comedy! For example: in the first five minutes of the film the bad guy's brother is killed and the bad guy's still on the loose. Golly gosh! Does this mean that he's going to come back at the end, kidnap the girl, and force the two spys to put aside their differences and work together to save her?! Also, Lauren intensely dislikes one of the spys at first. Surely she's not going to end up with him at the end?!

The film sucks in other ways too. The action and fighting scenes in the film are actually really boring. There are too many quick cuts, it's hard to follow what's actually happening, and there's no suspense. The script is absolutely dire too. The film is supposed to be a comedy but it's really not funny. The character who gets the most embarrassing dialogue is undoubtedly Lauren's friend Trish. She gets some absolutely atrocious lines and is one of the most annoying characters I've ever seen on screen! All of the characters are pretty unlikeable and annoying in this film though. The two blokes are supposed to have been best mates for years but they still think it's OK to screw each other over and waste their work colleagues' time and resources in order to stalk a woman. And Lauren whines and complains for almost the entire film and is happy to cheat on two men. And what's wrong with being British, Lauren?! Huh?! Huh?! Yet another problem that I have with this film is that there's no chemistry between the leading actors. OK, there's a little bit of chemistry between Tom Hardy and Chris Pine but neither of them have any chemistry with Witherspoon. Pine's sex scene with Witherspoon was embarrassing to watch.

I really couldn't understand how any of the leading actors could have agreed to do this film, especially Hardy. Reese Witherspoon and Chris Pine have done some bad films in the past after all (Four Christmases, Just My Luck). But why would Hardy want to do this film I thought? He's a brilliant actor and he'd already done Inception and Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy before This Means War. After watching This Means War though I read that Reese Witherspoon agreed to do it because she wanted to do a film that made her look sexy; and Pine and Hardy wanted to do something light and fluffy after doing a bunch of serious films. Well, that's all well and good but if you're going to do a film for those reasons then you should still make sure that the film has a good script and a good director! You're all too good for this crappy rom-com/action film! Did the film look good on paper? Did they pay the actors a ridiculous amount of cash to do the film? Who knows.

Rating: 1/5

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